In fact, I change my mind. Don't bother growing a set. Ever. People like this shouldn't breed. But I know that they do. Don't believe me? Click here and you'll see some mistakes that should have been abortions.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Fire Starter
Sounds like a brillant idea asshole. Why don't you grow a set and stick your head a little closer to the fire, and try not to spill your beer. Somebody should have done this guy a favor and stepped right on the back on his head and held it down just a little bit longer than comfortable.
In fact, I change my mind. Don't bother growing a set. Ever. People like this shouldn't breed. But I know that they do. Don't believe me? Click here and you'll see some mistakes that should have been abortions.
In fact, I change my mind. Don't bother growing a set. Ever. People like this shouldn't breed. But I know that they do. Don't believe me? Click here and you'll see some mistakes that should have been abortions.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
WTF?
I tried and half failed at taking a picture of this lady, but to my credit she was talking to me at the same time. Check out the two different styels that she is sporting. On one hand she is wearing a biker shirt and shorts, and just to make sure we don't mistake for a dike she sports a umbrella for her feminine side.
Friday, August 20, 2010
The Legend of Tom Sikes
Something epic was bestowed upon to me the other day. After a long two week vacation, I returned to work to discover a dossier sitting on my desk. The dossier was several pages long, and I read it over five times. My intention was to scan the pages and post them here for all of us to see. I had left the dossier on my desk when I went out for lunch. And when I returned it was nowhere to be found. Perhaps the original owner reclaimed it, and it was only intended to be viewed for a short time, it’s content now subject to my recollection and memory. I recounted the story below. It’s one of adventure that spans across the globe. It is the story of a man named Tom Sikes.
In his younger days he used to look like a young Jimmy Stewart. Always, wearing a suit and tie and saying, “Yes, Ma'am,” to the ladies. And he was in love with the most beautiful girl on the east coast. She wore yellow dresses in the summer time and she always smelled of fresh peach cobbler pie. They planned to get married when the summer was over. Her name was Jenny. Tom had been attending college but his funds dried up when he needed to pay the medical expenses for his ill mother. Without being a student, Tom was drafted to Vietnam. Jenny said that she would wait for him, and write him every week, and she did. She wrote every week for eleven months. But Tom became a prisoner of war after his helicopter was shot down and he spent six years as a POW . His cell mates were John McCain and the author of Rambo. In fact as it turns out the legend of Private Tom Sikes is what inspired the novel First Blood. You know Bruce Willis’s story in Pulp Fiction, the fighter whose dad had a gold watched shoved up his ass for six years, yep Sikes inspired that too. The Deer Hunter? Him too. Tom escaped the POW camp by playing a game of Russian Roulette with the Viet Cong. The war was long over, and Tom Sikes was thought to be dead. He swam a third of the way back and boat hopped the rest until he hit the east coast again.
He came back from the war and the world had changed. He was thought dead and people had moved on. The war had changed Sikes, and he was hardly recognizable anymore. He couldn’t even recognize himself but he thought of one person that might. Jenny. But she wasn’t there anymore. She had moved on out west. And Tom sought to find her. He walked across the great nation that he had fought for. With no shoes it was a long and painful journey. But his love for her carried him on. And then he found her. One day while feeding bread from his sandwich to pigeons in the park, he looked up and saw her walking by. But she wasn’t alone. Jenny had thought Tom Sikes to be dead. He was dead in her heart, and a long time ago she had moved on. Tom would have let it go. He would have walked away and let her be. But her new lover was the unknown man that had killed Bambi’s mom and Tom couldn’t honestly let that shit slide. Jenny deserved the best, not the worst. On February 13, 1979 Tom Sikes entered their home and while the unknown man was sleeping, Tom shot him dead with every bullet that he had in his pocket. Jenny woke; she saw a figure standing there with the smoking gun his hand. But it wasn’t Tom. It wasn’t the man that she loved so long ago. You see, Tom never came back from the war. Tom Sikes died in Vietnam and the man standing above her was not him. Her name was Jenny. But he was the Rooster.
That was the last she ever saw of him. That was last that anyone ever saw of him. The Rooster continued on from one town to the next city, stumbling upon a new adventure every week. The Rooster has been the faceless name of every moment around us. He is the character only mentioned in stories, but never seen. Jeff Lebowski co-authored the original draft of the Port Huron Statement. Rooster was the other. He even freed Willy. But long ago, in a late December, the Rooster battled Satan at the cross roads. An epic struggle it was. And the Rooster gave it his all, but he did not win, and the devil took his mind. As easily as God scattered the tongues of the people at the Tower of Babel, the Devil scrambled Rooster’s mind leaving him with lost hope, memories, and dreams.
Years following, the Rooster eventually found shelter in a little city called Ogden. And if you pay attention enough you’ll see him on the streets, often riding his bike or pushing his shopping cart. I’ve seen the Rooster many times. And I’ve seen the shadow that cast behind him. I now know what that is. For a long time I had thought the Rooster was alone, but he isn’t alone at all.
If you do spot the Rooster, look closely, and you’ll see as well that he is not alone. Because behind him is the shadow of Tom Sikes.
In his younger days he used to look like a young Jimmy Stewart. Always, wearing a suit and tie and saying, “Yes, Ma'am,” to the ladies. And he was in love with the most beautiful girl on the east coast. She wore yellow dresses in the summer time and she always smelled of fresh peach cobbler pie. They planned to get married when the summer was over. Her name was Jenny. Tom had been attending college but his funds dried up when he needed to pay the medical expenses for his ill mother. Without being a student, Tom was drafted to Vietnam. Jenny said that she would wait for him, and write him every week, and she did. She wrote every week for eleven months. But Tom became a prisoner of war after his helicopter was shot down and he spent six years as a POW . His cell mates were John McCain and the author of Rambo. In fact as it turns out the legend of Private Tom Sikes is what inspired the novel First Blood. You know Bruce Willis’s story in Pulp Fiction, the fighter whose dad had a gold watched shoved up his ass for six years, yep Sikes inspired that too. The Deer Hunter? Him too. Tom escaped the POW camp by playing a game of Russian Roulette with the Viet Cong. The war was long over, and Tom Sikes was thought to be dead. He swam a third of the way back and boat hopped the rest until he hit the east coast again.
He came back from the war and the world had changed. He was thought dead and people had moved on. The war had changed Sikes, and he was hardly recognizable anymore. He couldn’t even recognize himself but he thought of one person that might. Jenny. But she wasn’t there anymore. She had moved on out west. And Tom sought to find her. He walked across the great nation that he had fought for. With no shoes it was a long and painful journey. But his love for her carried him on. And then he found her. One day while feeding bread from his sandwich to pigeons in the park, he looked up and saw her walking by. But she wasn’t alone. Jenny had thought Tom Sikes to be dead. He was dead in her heart, and a long time ago she had moved on. Tom would have let it go. He would have walked away and let her be. But her new lover was the unknown man that had killed Bambi’s mom and Tom couldn’t honestly let that shit slide. Jenny deserved the best, not the worst. On February 13, 1979 Tom Sikes entered their home and while the unknown man was sleeping, Tom shot him dead with every bullet that he had in his pocket. Jenny woke; she saw a figure standing there with the smoking gun his hand. But it wasn’t Tom. It wasn’t the man that she loved so long ago. You see, Tom never came back from the war. Tom Sikes died in Vietnam and the man standing above her was not him. Her name was Jenny. But he was the Rooster.
That was the last she ever saw of him. That was last that anyone ever saw of him. The Rooster continued on from one town to the next city, stumbling upon a new adventure every week. The Rooster has been the faceless name of every moment around us. He is the character only mentioned in stories, but never seen. Jeff Lebowski co-authored the original draft of the Port Huron Statement. Rooster was the other. He even freed Willy. But long ago, in a late December, the Rooster battled Satan at the cross roads. An epic struggle it was. And the Rooster gave it his all, but he did not win, and the devil took his mind. As easily as God scattered the tongues of the people at the Tower of Babel, the Devil scrambled Rooster’s mind leaving him with lost hope, memories, and dreams.
Years following, the Rooster eventually found shelter in a little city called Ogden. And if you pay attention enough you’ll see him on the streets, often riding his bike or pushing his shopping cart. I’ve seen the Rooster many times. And I’ve seen the shadow that cast behind him. I now know what that is. For a long time I had thought the Rooster was alone, but he isn’t alone at all.
If you do spot the Rooster, look closely, and you’ll see as well that he is not alone. Because behind him is the shadow of Tom Sikes.
Boyfriend/ Son Returns
I was coming back from lunch the other day, and couldn't help but see Boyfriend/ Son flying down the road on his bicycle. I wasn't sure if I would see him again, so I literally pulled over to the side of the road so I could wait for him to catch back up to my vehicle. Then I snapped the following picture.
But luckily, he did turn up in shop. However, this time he came alone. I guess he left the bra-less Lady Crack Rock at home.
I was able to get more video of him. Watch as he smells his sweaty money and later nearly picks or blows his nose into his hand. That hair and those teeth, you'll just have to see for yourself.
WTF had he been eating on his way over here? Doesn't look to sanitary.
But luckily, he did turn up in shop. However, this time he came alone. I guess he left the bra-less Lady Crack Rock at home.
I was able to get more video of him. Watch as he smells his sweaty money and later nearly picks or blows his nose into his hand. That hair and those teeth, you'll just have to see for yourself.
WTF had he been eating on his way over here? Doesn't look to sanitary.
Ogden Raptors Biggest Fan
This lady read took the movie Bull Durham and read the script like a religion. She is clearly the Odgen Raptor's biggest fan. She probably selects one of the guys for a good season run. Every time the Raptors pitched she'd scream, "Strike'em out!"
And in all fairness to her the Raptors won the game 14-3.
And in all fairness to her the Raptors won the game 14-3.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Unlce D Sighting: Reader Submissions
The other day I met some guys who are well aware of many of the famous roaches of Ogden that we post on the site. They've seen Lady Crack Rock, Rooster and even Uncle D here a few times before. They said that they would get me some more material as the walk around. But for starters here are pictures of Uncle D. You may remember him from when I saw him playing outside of Wal-mart. Uncle D seems like a pretty nice guy, being that he poses for picture and stuff.
WTF?
To be fair, I didn't see this guy in Ogden, UT. I took a little road trip and stopped inside a Harley Davidson store in Kentucky. They have a lot of stuff in there, mostly a giant display of all things leather and manly. But then I saw this old guy wearing the shortest shorts possible for that state. Looks like he might be the Rooster of Kentucky.
Unlce D
So I went passed Wal-Mart the other day and I couldn't help but notice a guy dressed up in a shirt and tie playing a guitar outside the building. I've asked around and apartently this guy travels around smiling and playing for people as they walk by. He seems like a coold guy. The people I talked to say his name is Uncle D.
Dinosaur Sighting
I handed my wife my phone the other day while she ran into Wal-Mart. When she returned to the car she mentioned having taking a picture of Dinosaur while she was in there. Later I looked at my phone. She didn't just take one picture, she took four. That takes guts holding a phone in someones face and snapping a picture of them. Kudos to her.
Smurf Sighting
Take a closer look at this guy. It's not a light trick with the camera. This guy's face is literally purple!
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Welcome to Hick Town
Geographically, Ogden, UT is an very diverse place. Looking at the picture below you can see the that there are high mountains, a large valley, there are city buildings, and if you look way back you seen a large suburban area.
To be fair, the city scape picture above is Ogden City, but the I saw the goat just a few miles away in a place called Plain City. That's right Plain City. Which goes to show you just how exciting that place is.
However, when you're driving down the street and you see a goat tired to tree in someones front yard, it's hard not to think of this place as Hick Town. 
To be fair, the city scape picture above is Ogden City, but the I saw the goat just a few miles away in a place called Plain City. That's right Plain City. Which goes to show you just how exciting that place is.
The Birds
Just was walking out of a movie theater here in Ogden City and I find the darndest things.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Noobs of Ogden: Reader Submission
Check out these retards right here. I guess in Utah there isn't much to do on a Friday night. So, these dork sit around making asses of themselves. The thought of going out and finding chicks never occurs to idiots like these. But sitting upside down and drinking bottles of water and Root Beer sounds like a f***ing plan!
At least they're outside I guess. Probably for the first time in the last month. Their mom, and I'm sure they still live at their mom's house, must have finally kicked them off the X-box and this is their first time even standing next to a trampoline (let alone hanging upside down from one).
The only thing stopping me from trying to track these retards down and removing them from our population is that every 1/10 times I watch the videos below - I gut laugh out loud.
They must be brothers.
At least they're outside I guess. Probably for the first time in the last month. Their mom, and I'm sure they still live at their mom's house, must have finally kicked them off the X-box and this is their first time even standing next to a trampoline (let alone hanging upside down from one).
The only thing stopping me from trying to track these retards down and removing them from our population is that every 1/10 times I watch the videos below - I gut laugh out loud.
They must be brothers.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Dinosaur sighting
This picture doesn't do her justice. She was least 40 pounds heavier looking in real life. This was taker at the Village Inn in Roy. At that size she might want to consider saving the money and putting it towards a gym membership.
Rooster is a little pissed today
Rooster came in today and he tried claiming that some metal laying around outside the shop was his. According to him, he stopped by on Saturday at 9:30 but we weren't open. After checking the security camera it turns out that Rooster did stop by on Saturday, but it was 8:05 not 9:30 like he said. We don't open shop until 8:30, which is why we were closed at the time that he showed up.
I tried talking with Rooster to see what else I could get him to say, but it didn't go to well. Check out the video, and pay particular attention to the 1:50 on the video. Rooster gets a little irritated.
I asked Rooster how far his shopping cart was from the store, or how far would he have to haul the next load of metal that he has. He replied, saying that his shopping cart was over on 24Th street. Well, our shop is on 12Th. Last I checked, that's 12 blocks and Rooster says that he is going to haul a shopping cart full of metal 12 blocks in about an hour.
Rooster got mad at me and asks me if I need him to write it down. No, Rooster. I'm good. But maybe you need a calculator next time.
I tried talking with Rooster to see what else I could get him to say, but it didn't go to well. Check out the video, and pay particular attention to the 1:50 on the video. Rooster gets a little irritated.
I asked Rooster how far his shopping cart was from the store, or how far would he have to haul the next load of metal that he has. He replied, saying that his shopping cart was over on 24Th street. Well, our shop is on 12Th. Last I checked, that's 12 blocks and Rooster says that he is going to haul a shopping cart full of metal 12 blocks in about an hour.
Rooster got mad at me and asks me if I need him to write it down. No, Rooster. I'm good. But maybe you need a calculator next time.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Jake the Snake
Check out Boy Genius here walking around with a snake hanging around his neck. I guess he thinks that he can pick up more ladies if he wears his snake on his shoulder. He has a pretty big smile on his face for a guy who is about to doubled wrapped. He said that one time it did wrap around him enough to make him pass out. He said it happened while he was in the middle of a dick measuring contest. He claims he was flexing his neck and the snake took it the wrong, wrapped around his neck, and he woke up later on the floor. Now, I don't know how many dick measuring contest that I plan to find myself in, but I know now not to do so while wearing a snake as a necklace.
Now take a look again at that picture above. Doesn't this van look like something that a guy like that would drive? Well, it should because it is.
Now take a look again at that picture above. Doesn't this van look like something that a guy like that would drive? Well, it should because it is.
The Thunder God Returns!
Raiden the thunder god just came back from an epic battle with Lui Kang. These photos may look like re-hashed images from a set that I took a few weeks ago. But trust me, this kid is running around with his outfit on all the time.
For a second there I was worried about the status of middle earth.
For a second there I was worried about the status of middle earth.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Is This Really The Rooster?
So, the video that I tried to get of The Rooster wasn't all that well done. So, for today all I have is pictures. But as I uploading these picture of Rooster, I noticed that they don't have the same flavor as the other pictures have. Like there is something missing. When looking at the pictures I realized, how normal Rooster almost looks today. No, decorative cowboy hat or dog chewed slippers. He looks normal (besides a giant beard). He wearing tennis shoes, basketball jersey, baseball hat, and basketball shorts that are level at a normal length.
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