Ute's Fan

Was going to go see a Utah Utes game, and I know that it is not abnormal for people to paint their faces and wear cheese heads. But this guy's pants are killing me.

Mr. Poopy Pants Returns

Mr. Poopy Pants is back and damn does he smell bad. This guy is always half cracked out. Notice in the video below how quickly he jumps when someone enters the door behind him. He seems like a nice guy. But it's been an hour now and we're talking about bad it smells in here. It's like a mixture of BO and diesel fuel. This guy is going to become hazardous material if this continues on.

Hair Fail: WTF

Damn! Look at that hairdo!

Scooby Dooby Doo Where Are You: Reader Submission

I've heard about this guy, but have yet to see him around town. Luckily, an avid reader found this picture on a friends facebook and passed it along.The people in this city are cracking me up.

Skeletor

I'm torn between two names for this guy. On one hand his face is so tight around his skull that he looks like Skeletor. But on the other, he's chomping away with his jaw like Pac-Man. Watch the video and you decide.

Lester the Molester Forever

This is so weird that he's creeping me out. Yesterdays attempt to get good pictures of Lester the Molester didn't work out so well. This time I stuck to the guns, and I finally acquired the images to warrant calling this guy a molester. Just look below and see those eyes staring at you. Yeah, you feel a little dirty don't you. Me too.

Take look at the video below. One thing I've noticed is how every time he looks at one of the girls in the office he gets this smile on his face like a type of sodomy just entered his mind. I left the camera rolling a little after he left so that you get a chance to hear what the ladies in the office thing of this guy.

A did a little searching online. Aparently, Lester has attacked before. The victims have a little PA anouncement for everyone to listen to.

Meet Mr. Poopy Pants

I'll be honest, I've seen this guy come in a couple times and haven't recorded him. Well, that luxury is over. I gave him a chance to never come back, and he left me no choice now. A girl in the office gave this guy his name, Mr. Poopy Pants. I haven't had the pleasure yet of getting close enough to smell him. But I hear that it is pretty bad; like a mixture of shit and diesel fuel. Some times the stench from this guy will linger around for about 20 minutes.



Usually, he's a little more cracked out than he demonstrates here. However, this video was taken at 9:00 AM. So, he hadn't had a chance to smash an 8 ball yet.

Epic Fail: Reader Submission

As if we didn't already know?

An avid read sent me this picture while they were shopping at Wal-Mart. You would think that a sign like this wouldn't be necessary, being that most people purchase Bud Light because it is an alcoholic beverage. But apparently, not enough people have figured that out in Utah to a point that seems to be a need for a sign that basically states the obvious.

Most people in Utah are extremely ignorant. Perhaps, if they tried shopping on all seven days of the week, instead of closing on Sundays, they would have a chance to educate themselves on the culture that lives around them.

Lester the Molester Returns

Lester the Molester Returns. To be honest, this guy has come in a couple times before and I didn't recognize him with the beard and longer hair. I wish I had a better picture of him. The way he looks at the ladies in the office is so creepy. I've never seen eyes from another human being that actually looked like he was thinking about eating everyone in the office. And yes, I know, that's what she said.

I tried getting closer to this guy to take a few more pictures, but he had that look like he was wondering how often I put lotion on my skill so that later, when he is mauling my face with his teeth, he could make body suit out of me.

Don't remember Lester? Well, it's been a while but you can click here to see the original post.

The Spuce Goose Goes For a Strole

Don't remember The Spruce Goose? Click here to refresh the memory.

Sexy Beast!

Slow down big sexy. You're turning me on.

Rooster Says He's Tired of the Mormons and that He's Leaving Utah!

Well folks, it been a good run, but this could be the last we see of The Rooster. He says he's tired of Utah and he's out of here. Now, I know that The Rooster says a lot things. But this time it think he's serious.





Though I think that it's sad that someone stole White Lightning from The Rooster, I hope that she's in a home that will provide her with shelter, food, and love.

Boyfriend/Son Again

I realize that videos of this guy might not be that entertaining. He doesn't sing or dance and the stench that comes off of him doesn't transfer well across a visual medium such as video. But notice how this guy almost never shuts up. He goes to tell you one thing, and he goes on, and on, and on. And does he have another shirt besides that grey one? I don't know if I've even seen him where anything else.

My favorite part is near the :59 mark.

Epic Fail: Mayor of Comma Town Returns - Reader Submission

Thanks to a reader submission the Mayor of Comma-town returns! This job must be exhausting. I've yet to see this guy ever awake and actually working. I feel sorry for the last place he worked at before this. I bet he walked around like a zombie, hardly ever helped a customer, and got assed out every time they made him actually do something productive like climbing a ladder.



Got help his new job if they give him a raise. It's productiveness like this that led to the downfall of the economy.

Walmarts in Ogden

Fire Starter

Sounds like a brillant idea asshole. Why don't you grow a set and stick your head a little closer to the fire, and try not to spill your beer. Somebody should have done this guy a favor and stepped right on the back on his head and held it down just a little bit longer than comfortable.



In fact, I change my mind. Don't bother growing a set. Ever. People like this shouldn't breed. But I know that they do. Don't believe me? Click here and you'll see some mistakes that should have been abortions.

WTF?

I tried and half failed at taking a picture of this lady, but to my credit she was talking to me at the same time. Check out the two different styels that she is sporting. On one hand she is wearing a biker shirt and shorts, and just to make sure we don't mistake for a dike she sports a umbrella for her feminine side.

The Legend of Tom Sikes

Something epic was bestowed upon to me the other day. After a long two week vacation, I returned to work to discover a dossier sitting on my desk. The dossier was several pages long, and I read it over five times. My intention was to scan the pages and post them here for all of us to see. I had left the dossier on my desk when I went out for lunch. And when I returned it was nowhere to be found. Perhaps the original owner reclaimed it, and it was only intended to be viewed for a short time, it’s content now subject to my recollection and memory. I recounted the story below. It’s one of adventure that spans across the globe. It is the story of a man named Tom Sikes.

In his younger days he used to look like a young Jimmy Stewart. Always, wearing a suit and tie and saying, “Yes, Ma'am,” to the ladies. And he was in love with the most beautiful girl on the east coast. She wore yellow dresses in the summer time and she always smelled of fresh peach cobbler pie. They planned to get married when the summer was over. Her name was Jenny. Tom had been attending college but his funds dried up when he needed to pay the medical expenses for his ill mother. Without being a student, Tom was drafted to Vietnam. Jenny said that she would wait for him, and write him every week, and she did. She wrote every week for eleven months. But Tom became a prisoner of war after his helicopter was shot down and he spent six years as a POW . His cell mates were John McCain and the author of Rambo. In fact as it turns out the legend of Private Tom Sikes is what inspired the novel First Blood. You know Bruce Willis’s story in Pulp Fiction, the fighter whose dad had a gold watched shoved up his ass for six years, yep Sikes inspired that too. The Deer Hunter? Him too. Tom escaped the POW camp by playing a game of Russian Roulette with the Viet Cong. The war was long over, and Tom Sikes was thought to be dead. He swam a third of the way back and boat hopped the rest until he hit the east coast again.

He came back from the war and the world had changed. He was thought dead and people had moved on. The war had changed Sikes, and he was hardly recognizable anymore. He couldn’t even recognize himself but he thought of one person that might. Jenny. But she wasn’t there anymore. She had moved on out west. And Tom sought to find her. He walked across the great nation that he had fought for. With no shoes it was a long and painful journey. But his love for her carried him on. And then he found her. One day while feeding bread from his sandwich to pigeons in the park, he looked up and saw her walking by. But she wasn’t alone. Jenny had thought Tom Sikes to be dead. He was dead in her heart, and a long time ago she had moved on. Tom would have let it go. He would have walked away and let her be. But her new lover was the unknown man that had killed Bambi’s mom and Tom couldn’t honestly let that shit slide. Jenny deserved the best, not the worst. On February 13, 1979 Tom Sikes entered their home and while the unknown man was sleeping, Tom shot him dead with every bullet that he had in his pocket. Jenny woke; she saw a figure standing there with the smoking gun his hand. But it wasn’t Tom. It wasn’t the man that she loved so long ago. You see, Tom never came back from the war. Tom Sikes died in Vietnam and the man standing above her was not him. Her name was Jenny. But he was the Rooster.


That was the last she ever saw of him. That was last that anyone ever saw of him. The Rooster continued on from one town to the next city, stumbling upon a new adventure every week. The Rooster has been the faceless name of every moment around us. He is the character only mentioned in stories, but never seen. Jeff Lebowski co-authored the original draft of the Port Huron Statement. Rooster was the other. He even freed Willy. But long ago, in a late December, the Rooster battled Satan at the cross roads. An epic struggle it was. And the Rooster gave it his all, but he did not win, and the devil took his mind. As easily as God scattered the tongues of the people at the Tower of Babel, the Devil scrambled Rooster’s mind leaving him with lost hope, memories, and dreams.

Years following, the Rooster eventually found shelter in a little city called Ogden. And if you pay attention enough you’ll see him on the streets, often riding his bike or pushing his shopping cart. I’ve seen the Rooster many times. And I’ve seen the shadow that cast behind him. I now know what that is. For a long time I had thought the Rooster was alone, but he isn’t alone at all.

If you do spot the Rooster, look closely, and you’ll see as well that he is not alone. Because behind him is the shadow of Tom Sikes.

Boyfriend/ Son Returns

I was coming back from lunch the other day, and couldn't help but see Boyfriend/ Son flying down the road on his bicycle. I wasn't sure if I would see him again, so I literally pulled over to the side of the road so I could wait for him to catch back up to my vehicle. Then I snapped the following picture.



But luckily, he did turn up in shop. However, this time he came alone. I guess he left the bra-less Lady Crack Rock at home.



I was able to get more video of him. Watch as he smells his sweaty money and later nearly picks or blows his nose into his hand. That hair and those teeth, you'll just have to see for yourself.





WTF had he been eating on his way over here? Doesn't look to sanitary.

Ogden Raptors Biggest Fan

This lady read took the movie Bull Durham and read the script like a religion. She is clearly the Odgen Raptor's biggest fan. She probably selects one of the guys for a good season run. Every time the Raptors pitched she'd scream, "Strike'em out!"

And in all fairness to her the Raptors won the game 14-3.