The Rooster Forever

An epic moment bestowed on us yesterday. After recording the Dancing Queens I decided that the next time I see Rooster, he would be next on the list. Well, later that day The Rooster stepped in and he didn't seem to mind at all that I was recording him. This guys is sure to be a hit. The short-shorts, the hat, that shirt, and the air guitar. It's all Rooster baby.

So, People of Ogden is proud to present to you - The Rooster!



The deal is, is that Rooster brought by a shopping cart full of junk to send in. But while he walked away the forklift driving accidentally tipped over the cart and all of Roosters stuff went everywhere. Rooster wasn't too happy, he punched the fence behind him several times (epic fail on my part for not getting it on tape), and then proceeded to bitch at the driver. Rooster was able to get his stuff back into order, but according to him the chair in the background cost him $8,000. And supposedly he bought the shopping cart for $400. He also has stock in the new Winco that opened up down the street. He also, claims that he owns a home.

I'm starting to think he's fuckin' crazy.

Dancing Queens

I call these gals, if you can refer to them as gals, as the Dancing Queens. They pull up yesterday in front of the shop, don't get out of their car, and proceed to dance and smoke inside the car outside the building. They stayed for about twenty minutes and then left. Never bought anything. Never even got out of the car. Well, actually, the one jump out of the front seat went into the backseat to "smoke a cigarette" (crack) and then they drove off.

The Spuce Goose

Crack Head Bob Returns

We've been getting a lot of traffic with the roaches of Ogden City and it has been hard to keep up. Last Friday, Crack Head Bob paid us a visit. We almost didn't recognize him with all his fancy clothes on. It must have been the same day that he need to get application papers signed so that his welfare check would continue to roll in.

Here Crack Head Bob is setting his cigarette down on the window seal so that he can come inside the building. You would think that he would take care of business inside first and then smoke the whole thing while walking home. But I guess you can only go so long between cigarette breaks and when you're hook, you're hooked.

Crack Head Bob gets a little hostile when he finds that his product wasn't worth as much as he thought it was. I am sure to a homeless guy a cracker is like a buffet meal, but in the real world these kind of things don't carry that much weight. Sorry, Bob if you don't have enough money for crack.

Lester the Molester

This guy was a real weirdo. He was looking at the ladies in the office like a tiger looks at fresh meat. Not sure about this one at all. What kind of guys these days carries around a fanny pack? Child molesters of course. I bet he still rides a bike around town.

I fuck'in knew it. He is a child molester.

Lady Crack Rock Forever

Lady Crack Rock and boyfriend/son prove to be our most valuable customers. The stopped back in looking for a vehicle that can pass inspection and make multiple trips around town to sell crack with.

Murna, a.k.a. Lady Crack Rock, doesn't look to happy. Sorry, Murna. We don't sell drugs here but if you go out back you might be able to find a used pair of dentures for that mug.

I think that trunk is big enough to fit a few children in.

Damn, Murna. You're breaking the camera.

The Fly

The Monster Created By Atoms Gone Wild!

Another gem character from the streets of Ogden City, UT. Word around the campfire is that this guys is in full costume all year around.

From this angle it appears as though he is wearing two pairs of eye glasses. Well, that is because he is. Bad enough people say things about someone being four eyed, but here this guy has an extra pair.

Thus, the fly.

Lady Crack Rock Returns

Lady Crack Rock returns and this time she brought a few friends! We always love having repeat characters on this site and Lady Crack Rock has been kind enough to introduce us to a few new characters, just like a good movie sequel should. We'll get to them in a minute, but first, let us not forget our main protagonist. Lady Crack Rock.

In this first picture, you can see that smokin' crack was a little more important that making sure her dress wasn't caught in the door. Oh, and the handicap sticker is an added bonus.


Lady Crack Rock.

Remember those bitter beer face commercials? Well, so does she.

This is her Boyfriend, or son, or maybe both. Who the hell knows. But as you can guess this guy is a true number all on his own.

This is another wonderful addition to our website, Crack Head Bob. I guess he stops by pretty often and hopefully when can get some more coverage or him. Here is trying to borrow a crack pipe from Lady Crack Rock and her boyfriend/son.

Later, Crack Head Bob shows us his sportin' shopping cart. As comfortable as it seems I don't think the color matches his gyms shorts over his jeans look. He must still be morning over Michael Jackson death being that he only wears one glove at a time. The water heater isn't his but he wanted it to be and was hoping he could sell it away as his and collect money from some food (aka drugs). Before he took off I saw this guy pick up an old cigarette butt from the ground and lit it up like it was his own.

Well, the fun can't last forever. Lady Crack Rock walks away into the sunset with her pouch named Budweiser (literally, the dogs name is Budweiser). So, I wonder is the cats name Natural Ice?

Will Lady Crack Rock ever return? And what adventures will she bring with her next time?

Crack Kills!

Today's lesson comes from D.A.R.E. and the message is, "Crack Kills."

And now a message from our sponsor:

Rooster Returns!

Rooster is back! Again, sporting his shopping cart, today he wears a new set of flowers and he also brought a song and dance. At various moments, when he wasn't combing out his beard, he sang his own rendition of Johnny Cash's "Satisfied Mind." Afterward he started a competition against a digital scale to see whether he could out guess the weight of water. The Rooster was defeated, but that didn't stop him from celebrating a victory. The next song remained the same. Long live the Rooster.

Epic Fail of the Week

Rooster!

Apparently, this guy stops by fairly often and will become a regular on the site. Supposedly he drives a Corvette, but today he was sporting a shopping cart. He also sings!

Our First Canidate: This one is a keeper!

This one didn't have teeth, but she does have an awesome pair of socks and a styling bow in her hair. Not sure what she is digging for in that bag. Maybe a crack rock.